Babies... and other thoughts

I have a friend who has been struggling the last few years with infertility and a rather recent miscarriage. She is not the only one I know, there are several of my friends and family that have struggled with infertility and/or miscarriages at some point in their lives. Some know, some don't, but we struggled with infertility and miscarriages. In total I had 3 miscarriages at 12 weeks each and it took us 4 years to get pregnant with and keep the pregnancy that brought us Julian.

During this time well meaning family, friends and acquaintances would try and share encouragement, thoughts, ideas on how to get pregnant or stay pregnant. At one point I was told that all I needed to do was pray, as though I hadn't been praying in earnest for over a year at that point. The fact is, my life was and is planned out on the Lord's time, not mine. It was not my time to be a mother then. There were things that needed to be learned, to be accomplished, to be sought. There was faith that needed to be gained and lessons to be learned. I needed to be able to, when the time came, mourn with those that mourn and comfort those that stand in need of comfort in a way that only I could provide because I had felt the pain of loss. Lost hopes, lost dreams, lost faith.

I remember when I got past 12 weeks with Julian's pregnancy. I was thrilled and scared. But mostly I was grateful. I remember getting on my knees every day and thanking the Lord with my whole soul that my prayers were finally being answered in the way that I had wanted so badly. And then when I got pregnant with Tennyson and everything went so smoothly, again on my knees in gratitude. I know it doesn't work out that way for everyone, but this was the path that the Lord had set for me. And I am grateful to know that He guides my life.

And now, as I sit and write this post with my beautiful little Tennyson asleep on my chest, I am humbled that I am a mother. I am grateful that the Lord saw fit to send me these two perfect little boys. I am grateful for the faith that I gained through my trials and thankful that I had the trials to begin with. I am grateful for how I've grown and for what I've learned. I am grateful for the support and love and empathy that I can give to those that are experiencing now what I experienced then. I am grateful for the unending support and love from friends and family throughout my life. Thank you.